Maybe it happened because you just can’t resist a bargain, so you regularly come home with shopping bags crammed full of 85-percent-off clearance items. Maybe shopping is your go-to stress reliever after a tough day at work. Or perhaps you just don’t want to get rid of any old garments because you think you might need them again. Whatever the reason, your closet is so jam-packed with pants, shirts, dresses, skirts, and more that you can’t even move things from left to right…but when it comes time to choose an outfit each morning, you don’t really want to wear any of it.

If any of this sounds familiar, relax. You’re normal. At some point or another, I think that almost all women deal with the “closet full of clothes but nothing to wear” problem. (In fact, that’s why many of my clients first get in touch with me!) The good news is, if digging through all of that mess in order to put together a matching outfit makes you crazy, there are some specific things you can do to make your wardrobe less wieldy and more wearable. Here are four steps I recommend taking if you’re ready to break the nothing-right-to-wear cycle:

First, sort what you have. If you’re at your wits’ end, chances are your closet is so cluttered and disorganized that you aren’t really familiar with each piece of its contents. That’s why I recommend taking everything off the rack. First of all, you’ll be able to clearly see if you have an overabundance of a certain color tee, for example, or too many pairs of black pants. Plus, as you consider each piece of clothing, you’ll be forced to consider how much you actually like it. Be sure to try on everything and evaluate each item based on whether or not you would purchase it again today. If the answer is “yes,” that piece is a keeper.

If you think you might not have a clear sense of what looks good on you or would simply like an outside opinion, ask a friend who’ll be honest to assist you in eliminating things that don’t fit, don’t flatter you, are too worn, or don’t match your lifestyle. And don’t hold on to something just because you spent a lot of money on it. Yes, I’ll admit that it can be tough to get rid of an expensive item, but if it is no longer an asset to your wardrobe, it has lost its value for you. Be sure to set aside clothes that you want to keep but need alterations and clothes that are no longer appropriate for you but that can be donated.

Next, organize what’s left. After you have discarded everything that is no longer an asset, organize what’s left. First, re-hang everything you’ve kept, grouping pieces in order of color or prints. You’ll immediately feel more peaceful when you walk into your closet, and you’ll also have a better grasp on your wardrobe. Specifically, I’d recommend using this newfound “clothing clarity” to make a list of what you need to complete the outfits you already have. These pieces will probably be very simple things: the right underpinnings, jewelry, a new black skirt or base-color pant, for example, that will appropriately extend the wear of jackets or blouses that you already own.

Buy some new pieces—with help—and start small. After you’ve cleared out some space in your once-overfull closet, reward yourself by going shopping for some of the items on your “to-be-acquired” list…but use the buddy system. I definitely recommend taking a friend whose opinion you can trust, hiring an image consultant, or going to a personal shopper in your favorite store. This person can assist you in picking a few pieces that are flattering, easy to put on and match, and that make sense with your current lifestyle, and he or she can also help you to decide on a comfortable shopping budget.

As you rediscover your style, it’s best to start small, even if you leave the store with only three new pieces—albeit ones you feel very good about. (Again, I recommend concentrating on things that will extend and pull together the pieces you already have, like a brown belt or new pumps.) I would also suggest purchasing at least one thing that’s outside your normal fashion box. This strategy will give you the opportunity to see how this new piece makes you feel and to evaluate the feedback you get from others before you buy more.

Change your shopping strategy. Now that you have cleaned out your closet and started to figure out what kinds of pieces you’ll still like and want to wear once you get them home, it’s time to tackle what is, for many people, the toughest step of all: changing the way you shop. If you’ve never passed up a sale in the past, for example, it’s finally time to break the clearance addiction—otherwise you’ll fall back into your old pattern of buying odds and ends that you’ll never wear. I always advise my clients to look at the garment first and the price second—that way you’ll be choosing only between pieces that are flattering. I firmly believe that it’s worth spending a little more for pieces that you’ll wear again and again and again, as opposed to shelling out less for something you’ll wear once or (maybe) twice.

Ultimately, when you streamline your closet, you’ll quite literally be changing your life. You’ll feel less tense as you prepare for your day, and maybe for the first time in a while, you’ll also be excited about what you’re wearing. As you continue to acquire new pieces after the big clean-out and update, pay attention to how they make you feel and how often you find yourself wearing them…and keep building on that knowledge.

Most people think hangers are insignificant—certainly nothing to get excited about. Chances are, your closet is filled with a motley collection of them, dominated by the flimsy wire hangers that come from the dry cleaner’s. And if that’s the case, I’m willing to bet that you don’t really like spending time looking through your clothes.

Here’s the problem: those wire hangers not only look cheap—they’re also bad for your clothing. Plus, they tend to get tangled as you move them, so reaching for one shirt is likely to result in a fight with five hangers and a good portion of your wardrobe landing on the floor. Before you know it, you’re slamming the closet door with no outfit in hand. You don’t want to get anything out of that sartorial black hole (or even put the laundry away), because your closet makes you absolutely crazy.

When you think about it that way, it’s easy to see how the little things in life can add up to create a lot of stress. If you’re able to control your environment by making a small change—like streamlining your closet—you’ll be amazed by how big your sense of relief is. Here are some of my tips for overhauling your hanger situation and giving yourself a little relief in a world of stress.

Commit to buying new hangers. Wanting your closet chaos to lessen is all well and good—but many people tend to balk when it comes to actually shelling out cash for something so mundane. In order to help you get over this mental block, consider that having sturdy, matching hangers will help you to get ready faster and will also be an aid to organization. As you’re re-hanging each item of clothing, you’ll be forced to consider how much you actually like and wear it, and you’ll find yourself getting rid of dead weight. Plus, matching hangers will give your closet more space and a much more peaceful vibe.

Choose the right hangers for you. Again, bear with me—putting some prior thought into the type of hanger you want to buy isn’t as silly as it sounds. Depending on the contents of your wardrobe, you’ll find some styles much more useful than others. Here’s a breakdown of three styles I love:

• The shirt hanger. As the name suggests, these hangers are good for blouses with structured shoulders, dresses, and even some jackets (coat hangers tend to stretch smaller pieces too far). I suggest investing in a thin, velvet-lined style that will save you space.
• The regular bar hanger. These are good for coats and jackets. I like to hang two pairs of pants on each one—pants fold nicely over the bar hanger.
• The “special” bar hanger. I’m going to do some shameless promoting here. I absolutely love a special bar hanger that is made by Real Simple. (It’s sold by Bed, Bath & Beyond.) These bar hangers come with built-in clips so that you can use them to hang a pant or a top that is often worn with the garment on the bar hanger. They also hook onto one another so that they’ll cascade vertically, and they include an extra bar for hanging scarves or other small accessories.

Get creative. Once you’ve purchased your new hangers, think outside the box as you’re re-hanging all of your clothing. For example, you might put accessories that you predominantly wear with certain shirts or dresses (like scarves, necklaces, and belts) around the hanger’s hook, or clip them to the hanger with a clothespin. You might even consider cascading hangers vertically to store all the pieces of an outfit together. I love this method because it saves space, too!

Yes, overhauling your hanger situation will take a little money and a little time on the front end. But trust me—the time (and sanity) it will save you when you’re able to choose outfits stress-free will be more than worth it!

Thanksgiving is here, which means that you’ll soon be inundated with the holiday’s traditional foods: turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, and more. Yes, Thanksgiving foods are delicious and mouth-watering the first time around, and leftovers on Black Friday can still be enticing. But if you’re anything like me, your taste buds might be craving something different by the time the weekend rolls around. That’s why I’m sharing the recipe I’ll be using for some post-Thanksgiving culinary variety.

I was first introduced to this delicious stew by Chef Joe Bastianich, and I have since adapted the recipe a bit. I make this dish on a regular basis because it’s easy, delicious, healthy, and is ready to eat in under half an hour. Try it, and let it warm you up throughout the weekend. (And be sure to let me know what you think of it!)

Marla’s Quick White Bean Stew with Spinach and Tomatoes

Prep and cook time: 15-20 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

5-8 oz. (large) bag of spinach

¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil

3 garlic cloves, sliced thinly

½ teaspoon crushed red pepper

14 oz. diced tomatoes

16 oz. can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

Salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

• Heat olive oil in a medium saucepan.
• Add garlic and crushed red pepper. Cook over medium heat until garlic is golden (about 1 minute).
• Add tomatoes; bring mixture to a boil.
• Add beans; simmer over medium-high heat for 3 minutes.
• Add spinach; simmer over medium heat for 5 minutes.
• Season to taste with salt and pepper; serve.

I hope you enjoy this delicious stew as much as I do. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!

When it comes to wardrobe organization, you may have your clothing under control. But what if everything else—the pieces that round out your outfits—is a different story? I’ve found that many women’s shoes tend to end up in a pile on the floor while their socks, scarves, jewelry, and more are crammed into various drawers. And that’s a problem! Not only is this storage “system” disorganized (which can tend to frustrate you), it’s also inefficient. You’ll end up wearing the same accessories over and over again, and you’ll also run the risk of buying a new pair of earrings, for example, that closely resembles a pair you already own—all because you couldn’t see the first pair and forgot about it!

Most of my clients don’t hire me just to organize their accessories, but that usually ends up happening whenever I do a wardrobe analysis. Women (and even men!) are always surprised by how much of a difference smart organization makes. The fact is, you bought all of your accessories because you liked them—so make the most of them with a new storage system that allows you to see what you own. I promise, it’s an easy fix! Here are some guidelines to keep in mind as you get organized:

Shoes. First, realize that your shoes will need to be changed out twice a year unless you live somewhere that’s warm for all four seasons. This will keep temperature-appropriate footwear—whether it’s sandals or boots—in the front of your closet and fresh on your mind. (In many areas of the country, April and September are good times for this task.) And make sure that the pile-on-the-floor storage method becomes a thing of the past. Invest in stackable shelves or a shoe rack that hangs from your closet door or clothes rod so that you can see all of your choices. Lastly, make sure that you’re storing your out-of-season footwear properly. I recommend stuffing shoes, especially boots, with plastic bags, tissue paper, or “shoe or boot inserts” made expressly for this purpose. You’ll lengthen the life of your purchases, because they’ll hold their shape in storage even if there is weight on top of them.

Handbags. Like shoes, it’s usually a good idea to change out handbags semi-annually. After all, you’re not going to carry your straw bag or white purse in the winter, or your suede or calf-hair purse in the blazing heat. (That said, there are many bags that are appropriate year-round.) And again, as with shoes, there’s a smart way to store the purses you’re not carrying. I often suggest that clients stuff handbags with other smaller purses or plastic bags.

Accessories. The most important thing to remember when storing accessories is to make sure they’re visible! If possible, clear a space on your closet wall so that you can hang necklaces or put in a belt rack. (Tie racks also work well for this purpose.) Hanging pieces individually is crucial to being able to see what you own. If that isn’t possible, try storing belts, gloves, hats, and scarves in clear bins and stacking them according to color or function. Similarly, break your jewelry into categories and store it within drawers in clear trays (I love Lucite) that you can see to the bottom of.

Socks and stockings. Yes, you may already have a drawer set aside for socks and pantyhose, but I promise you can organize a lot more effectively than that! Sort your stockings and tights by color, and then put each group into an individual, labeled Ziploc bag. Presto—squinting to distinguish between black and navy on dark mornings is a thing of the past! Plus, your hose will also be protected from snags. You can also use this baggie method with trouser or athletic socks.

It won’t take much time or money to make these organizing solutions a part of your closet, but they’ll make a huge difference in how effectively—and quickly—you’re able to accessorize.

Have you ever thought about how well you hand out feedback? For most of us, learning to accept critiques (or constructive criticism) is something we have had to work on at some point. It’s not easy to be on the receiving end of a critique, after all. But have you ever stopped to consider how you measure up as the critic? Are you helpful? Or do your critiques end up doing a little more harm than good?

In my line of work, I’m often faced with having to critique the outfits my clients have put together, or even an entire wardrobe during a closet audit. I have learned that in order for a critique to be effective, you have to do it in a constructive, kind way that steers clear of being critical.

Get to the point quickly. Hearing a critique can be uncomfortable for some people, so it’s best to get right to the point. You’ll risk losing their attention and your point may get lost if you are too lengthy. Save your more verbose comments for positive praise!

Be honest, but in a kind way. Being a good critic means that you are also honest. For example, if you tell your girlfriend that you like her blouse to offset or “cushion” a critique on her current hairstyle, when you really don’t think that the blouse flatters her, you aren’t actually doing her a favor. Be honest, but think about how your words will feel to her so that you present your thoughts in a kind, helpful way.

Be specific on the takeaways. Giving feedback to someone is about helping him to improve something about himself, and that works only if you give him an alternative to the thing you are critiquing. Don’t just tell someone that he has a bad habit; offer some specific alternatives to what he is doing to help him create a new behavior that does work.

Be on their side. Friendly feedback should come from a place of genuine concern. You are giving out this advice because you want the other person to better herself, not to put her down. Be clear that you are on her side and are not attacking her.

Remember: Unsolicited feedback will do more harm than good. While the urge to help someone out may be strong, you need to hold back from doling out your opinion to others unless they have asked for it. They won’t be open to the advice, and you could harm your relationship if you aren’t careful. Likewise, if you ever find that you are being given advice you didn’t ask for, don’t feel like you have to take it with a nod and a smile. You can be honest and tell the other person, “Thank you, but I wasn’t asking for your opinion.” It will save you both from saying things that could damage your relationship any further.

Try to focus on giving better critiques in one area of your life, like at work or with a friend or maybe even your spouse. Think about how you’ve felt when you’ve been the recipient and what felt good to you and what didn’t—and let that be a guide for you. In learning to be good at this, you also become a better recipient of feedback.

Pick up just about any women’s fashion magazine, and you’ll probably find an article on which must-have pieces a stylish female should have in her closet for the upcoming season or year. That’s great for us girls, but what about the guys? It seems to me that guys have men’s magazines that show them “stuff” but don’t dispense much good advice.   In general, they’re being left out. And as an image consultant, I think that’s a shame. I’ve spent plenty of time working with male clients so I know what works and what doesn’t. That’s why I’ve put together a list of seven things every man should have in his closet. If you’re a guy who’s interested in sharpening his look or a woman who’s wondering what to buy a man—maybe for his birthday or Christmas—I hope that my top picks will point you in a good direction.

1) Blazer. No, I’m not talking about just any blazer. I’m talking about one that’s well-fitting (possibly even tailored) and in the best fabric you can afford; preferably gabardine or light wool. Whether you choose navy or black, you can pair this stylish and versatile piece with wool trousers, khakis, or even a fabulous pair of jeans (which I’ll get to later!). Plus, a nicely tailored blazer can go just about anywhere, from casual Fridays to Saturday date nights.

2) Casual shoes. An adaptable pair of casual shoes—think loafers—in a warm, medium-to-light brown will see you through all seasons. They’ll be a wonderful accent for blue jeans on the weekend, khakis in the summer, and darker colors in the cooler months. Plus, loafers are the perfect shoe to wear when traveling, out with friends, or with your new blazer. As you begin to wear your new shoes more and more, make sure that you pay attention to keeping them nice—their condition can say a lot about you.

3) Belt. Every man needs at least one classy belt in the best-quality leather he can afford. Choose from crocodile or brown or black leather…or all three. And keep in mind that a wider belt (a minimum of 1.25 inches) will give you a modern look no matter your height or size.

4) Perfect shirt. Many men make the mistake of choosing shirts that are too big, which can make them look sloppy. Focus on fit rather than color. If you’re lean, choose an athletic fit, and if you carry more weight, make sure that the buttons aren’t pulling open. Also, be sure to press your shirt (including the collar) before going out, whether you’re going for a casual or dressy look.

5) Jeans. The “perfect” pair of jeans isn’t an article of clothing that only women should look for. Every man should also have denim in his closet that isn’t too tight or too loose—and that includes the rear! As with shirts, men tend to buy jeans that are too big, so pay attention to your body type and avoid bagginess and dragging cuffs. And if you’re splurging on one pair (perhaps raw denim, which conforms to your body), choose a darker wash so that you can dress them up.

6) Coat. Specifically, I’d recommend looking for a trench raincoat, which is useful, versatile, and good for traveling. Depending on the prevailing colors in your wardrobe, choose between khaki (my number-one pick) or black. Make sure to leave a little extra room in the fit since you might be wearing it over a suit.

7) Watch. Sometimes commercials hit the nail on the head—a man’s watch really does say a lot about him! After all, it’s the male equivalent of classy jewelry. Don’t worry, though—there’s no need to clean out your bank account. Simply choose a piece that’s not too small, but also not so big that it draws all eyes in the room. Avoid overtly trendy watches, too—one that’s simple and understated will fall into the “timeless” category.

No matter your size, style, or age, I promise that you’ll fall in love with these seven pieces. Once they’re in your closet, getting dressed f

Most of us hear the words “physically fit” and groan internally. But consider this: Are you ignoring your own physical fitness because the idea of getting started overwhelms you? I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to start out by training for a marathon. In fact, you’re better off taking baby steps.

The more physically fit you are as you get older, the better the quality of your life will be. It’s simple really—when you feel good and you feel good about the way you look, it opens your mind and your attitude to an entire world of positivity. You’ll have more energy for enjoying the things you love, and it will encourage you to pursue a more active lifestyle—and who doesn’t want that?

Rather than getting overwhelmed with a big life change, why not try making five smaller, simple changes to get you started on the path to feeling better right now?

Get up and get moving. Obviously, exercising will make you more physically fit, but that doesn’t mean you have to jump right into running five miles a day or spending every single day in the gym. Incorporating regular exercise into your daily life, like a twenty-minute walk or a half-hour yoga session, will work wonders for improving your body and your mindset.

Drink water. You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating. Upping your intake of H₂0 will not only make you feel healthier, it can also do wonders for giving your skin a dewy glow that no amount of makeup can replicate.

Breathe properly to support your posture. The way that you carry yourself affects your entire attitude; it makes you feel strong and poised. Start with focusing on your core, starting the breath there, following it up through the chest, and finally lifting the sternum and spreading the collarbone. Doing so gives you the benefit of more oxygen and opening your body to accept the world around you as you walk down the street. Your outlook (and that pesky aching back!) will be transformed.

Practice yoga. Aside from being a great form of exercise, yoga can also help you to stretch and relax your body and your mind. Taking a few minutes out of your day to be quiet and relaxed will work wonders for your overall physical fitness. Any form of stress reduction is a step in the right direction toward being more physically fit.

Think of food as fuel. Learn which foods help to make you feel stronger and work best for your body. Taking the time to develop a nutrition plan designed specifically for you is definitely a priority—after all, a healthy, balanced diet can do wonders for how you feel, look, and think!

I’ve learned from experience that if you wait for the “right time” to start working on your fitness, you’ll never start. The “right time” is actually right now. A year from now, you’ll wish you had started today. There’s no reason you should delay giving yourself this gift!

In today’s world, having a busy schedule is a given. Whether it’s serving on the board of a charity, working long hours, or just trying to find time to have dinner with friends, it seems that there is no shortage of events to fill up your calendar. The problem is that most of us have simply accepted our over-scheduled-ness as a way of life, and that has led to a generation of women who neglect themselves in order to fulfill the duties others ask of them.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with making commitments and keeping them. I have a very full schedule and life myself. What I find, however, is that most of us allow those things—the meetings and obligations—to take over. We forget to do the things that make us happy, to take time to renew our minds, to rest our bodies, and to rejuvenate our spirits.

Sadly, most women say yes more than they say no because they feel as though they are expected to be everything to everyone. They don’t want to appear weak or incapable. And in refusing to set those boundaries, they are allowing others to take advantage of them and treat them badly. Do you have clear boundaries set in your life? Or are you allowing obligations to others to take up your precious time and energy? Give careful thought to how you will allow others to work with you. Consider the following tips to help you get your boundaries in check:

• Be clear from the beginning. Setting boundaries has to happen at the beginning of any new relationship. Unfortunately, once you set the standard it’s nearly impossible to change. Make sure that you are clear with people—your boss, your employees, your acquaintances, etc.—about what you will and will not allow.
• Be deliberate. Think carefully about what it is that you want out of your relationships, both professionally and personally. Make deliberate choices about what you want out of those relationships and what you will commit yourself to. If it helps, try writing it down in an actual list to help you see things more clearly. It’s a great way to prioritize!
• Be where you are. When you’re out to dinner with your spouse, going for a run, or enjoying a cup of hot tea on your porch, turn off your phone, step away from your inbox, and let everything else go. If you allow yourself to be accessible all the time, people will try to get in touch with you—no matter what the day or hour. You need to have time to invest in yourself and your relationships. And you can’t give either of those the focus they deserve if your phone is ringing off the hook.
• Be confident enough to say no. It’s okay to say no, but it can be hard to actually say it. Feel confident in your choice to opt out of something or to turn down an opportunity. If it isn’t right for you, then there shouldn’t be any reason why you can’t confidently tell other people so.
• Be honest about why you are saying no. When we do say no, we often feel compelled to give an excuse along with our reply, and often that excuse isn’t entirely honest. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by being dishonest. In fact, the more honest you are about why you can’t or won’t do something, the better other people get to know you. You can’t expect people to understand your boundaries if you aren’t honest about them in the first place.

Remember, you’re not in this world to make everyone else happy and neglect yourself as a result. I challenge you to evaluate the commitments in your life. Which ones do you truly enjoy and value? Which ones are merely obligations you do because you feel you have to? Think about what you can feasibly cut out of your life so that you can start to re-invest in yourself.  Embrace the boundaries in your life. I promise you won’t regret it.

I hope that you all had a wonderful and relaxing holiday weekend. This week, I chose to touch on a topic that I am commonly asked about. I hope you enjoy!

As an image consultant, I am frequently asked about what staple pieces I would suggest investing in when it comes to a woman’s wardrobe. A mix of classic pieces with flirtier, modern styles will keep any wardrobe feeling fresh. If you’re looking to invest in a few pieces that will go the extra mile for your style, consider these seven staples:

1. A great-fitting pair of jeans. Jeans can be dressed up or dressed down, and few things feel better than a pair of jeans that fit just right. Once you find a style that fits you well, it’s worth investing the money in them. In fact, that perfect pair of jeans is so hard to come by, you may want to consider buying a second pair as well!

2. A little black dress. It’s been said before, but it bears repeating. You can never go wrong with a well-fitting black dress. Opt for a short style (not a long, formal version) that can take you to a cocktail party or a luncheon—or even to the office! Choose a style that is flattering and, most importantly, comfortable for you. 3. A classic white shirt. Whether you go plain or opt for a little detail, a crisp white shirt is a staple every woman must have. It looks great by itself or layered for a different look, and this style is as classic as they come—which means you’ll get lots of leverage out of this purchase.

4. A perfect pair of gold hoops. Whether you love accessories or prefer a more minimalist look, a perfect pair of gold hoop earrings is a must. They look great on everyone and can be your everyday go-to earrings just as easily as they can dress up for a special night out.

5. A great trench coat. This classic coat is flattering and practical. The tailored cut of a trench coat looks great on any figure and instantly makes any look more polished. Consider one in black or tan, depending on what works best with your wardrobe as a whole.

6. A fun scarf. Scarves are one of the most versatile accessories in any woman’s wardrobe. Add a punch of color to your outfits by choosing scarves in brighter hues or opt for a print that adds interest and texture to your basic black attire.

7. An animal print accessory. Whether it’s a fun pair of flats, a sexy scarf, or a flirty blouse, I recommend investing in at least one animal print accessory. Choose a print that can work as a neutral with your wardrobe. (Leopard works well with brown hues, while a zebra print may be better if you wear more black.) It will instantly make you feel fresh.

No matter your lifestyle, personal style, or budget, these seven pieces will work for any woman, anywhere. Be on the lookout for these classics and shop your own closet to see what you may already own. With the integration of a few key pieces, your wardrobe will feel brand new again!

Think about it: When you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while (whether it’s been a month or a day!) or even when you meet someone new, what do you say? Chances are, you stick with the tried-and-true “Hi, how are you?” (For most of us, it’s sheer reflex.)

Usually, the answer to this old standby is short and sweet. In fact, we generally expect a reply along the lines of “Very well, thank you.” Sometimes, though, a friend or acquaintance can go into a lot more depth about how her day is progressing—no matter how good or bad that might be! And (let’s face it) it’s those people, the ones who detail how tired, busy, or just plain bad-off they are, who can really make you regret asking at all. And what most people fail to realize is that your answer to this very simple question will either draw people in or scare them away.

The lesson here is clear: When you’re on the answering end, try not to respond to “How are you?” in a negative manner. (This is especially important with new acquaintances—first impressions are a big deal.) Responding negatively presents you in a less-than-ideal light and gives people the sense that you’re a real drag. And if you do it often enough, people just might stop asking you how things are going altogether (and start avoiding you instead).

The next time someone inquires about your day, challenge yourself to be real without descending into a pit of negativity. Use it as an opportunity to further that connection, rather than as a chance to dump your own personal problems on someone else. And yes, you can do that without being ultra-sweet, as I’ve noticed some women feel the need to do. Believe me, it’s completely possible to put a positive spin on an answer that’s still honest. Here are a few examples:

Busy, busy! It’s a given that most of us are busier than ever. Our calendars are so full that we barely have time to blink. But that doesn’t mean others want to hear the details of your schedule! In fact, turning into a verbal datebook may come off as a venting session and give the impression that you’re really too busy to talk. Believe me, I know—I’m so busy planning my wedding that I have to put a little effort into making sure I’m not unintentionally sending out busy vibes when I’m telling others about my day. Here are some fun ways to respond to those how-are-yous the next time you’re feeling the urge to complain about how busy you are:

• Humor never hurts! In a joking manner, say, “Hanging on by a sheer thread! How are you?”
• “I’ve been busy, but busy is good for business!”
• “I’ve never been so busy—but I wouldn’t have it any other way!”
• “You know me—always on the move!”
• Relate it to something personal (in my case, that would be my wedding) and say, “This wedding planning is a full-time job, but it’s been a lot fun!”
• “You know, I’m really busy right now. But I feel very lucky to be so busy!”

Yawn. Let me tell you how tired I am. So you just downed your fourth cup of coffee when some smiley, energetic person comes at you with a how’s-it-going? Perhaps it’s your first week back at work after the new baby, or maybe you’re still recovering from daylight savings time. Even though you may feel that you don’t even have the energy to address the question, try to rally with one of these responses:

• “I’m still recovering from the fantastic concert, movie, etc. that I watched last night. Let me tell you about it!”
• “A little sleepy, but thank the Lord for caffeine!”
• “I got to stay up late holding my baby last night, so I’m a little tired, but I’m so blessed I can’t complain.”

Ugh…I really don’t feel like talking. There are times when we just don’t have much to say. Maybe you’re tired, busy, or just not in the mood to have a conversation. Know that it’s perfectly fine to keep your answer short and sweet. (Plus, the person asking how you’re doing may very well be reaching out just to be polite, anyway!) So when you’re feeling antisocial, simply say, “Never better!” or, “I’m fantastic!” Voilà! Question answered.

Ultimately, we’re all asked quite a few questions throughout the day, so don’t stress over greeting others. Remember that when you’re asked how you’re doing, it’s not an opportunity to vent! Instead, keep your casual conversations positive. And don’t forget that a simple smile can dress up any conversation.