Finding Balance in Your Life—and Making Peace with It

Great health extends beyond physical wellness; it also includes our mental and emotional well-being. Though mental health struggles were once a taboo topic in our society, thankfully things are beginning to change. Being in therapy, only a generation ago, carried a stigma that compelled most people to keep it a secret even from their loved ones.

Today, we are a nation that is much more comfortable sharing personal struggles instead of hiding them behind a constant smile or cheerful (but false) disposition. I feel this is an important and beneficial shift in our culture. When we feel it is safe to share and honestly discuss topics like depression, anxiety, and trauma, we are more likely to find the support we need and begin the process of healing. This is why I decided to focus this month’s installment of Finding Balance in Your Life—and Making Peace with It on the topic of mental and emotional wellness.

Balance Zone #4 Mental and Emotional Wellness

I am not a medical professional, and I don’t pretend to be. But I have spent many years searching out the best approaches to live a life well spent and helping others to do the same. Along the way, I have learned the importance of developing a mental approach that promotes resilience and inner harmony. Many of the practices I discuss below will help you feel your best naturally, and, when combined, they can help you experience a more balanced state of being. If you are in need of professional help, seek it immediately. Otherwise, read on to learn my favorite practices for becoming a happier, healthier version of you.

Start with an audit of your current mental and emotional state. It’s a good idea to regularly take your emotional temperature so that you may become aware of any new issues—such as the onset of anxiety, intrusive thoughts, gloominess, a lack of interest in normal activities, etc. Take a few moments to center yourself and then begin exploring how you’ve been feeling lately. Do you feel focused and energetic or scattered and lethargic? Is your outlook positive, or are you continually feeling sad or empty? Noticing red flags and taking action when these signs first appear may help you prevent more severe episodes from developing.

Stick to a healthy routine. Daily routines create stability, which improves your life and keeps you on track. Of course we can’t stick to a perfectly managed schedule all the time, but in general you should strive to get plenty of sleep, wake up around the same time each day, exercise several times a week, eat a good diet, explore interests and hobbies, and spend enough quality time with people who are part of your “inner circle.” These habits will keep your mood stable and ensure that you are active, healthy, and surrounded by a strong support system.

Take 60 seconds just to breathe. You don’t have to adopt an extensive meditation practice to experience real results (although you certainly can if you wish!). Greater peace and presence can be reached in just a few seconds with my favorite breathing exercise. You can practice this anywhere, like a busy restaurant, an elevator, or even in a bathroom stall. Give yourself 60 seconds of silence and, during this time, focus on your breathing. You can count along with your breaths, add a simple mantra, or simply observe each breath coming and going. In this brief amount of time, you can actually stop negative thoughts and calm yourself down when your mind starts racing. You can do this exercise several times a day to instantly get back into the present. If you would like a more structured routine, I recommend the mindfulness app Headspace.

Don’t let holiday grief sneak up on you. While the season that spans from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day can be a wonderful time of celebration and gratitude, many people experience surges of grief, depression, and loneliness at this time of year (on top of common holiday stressors like busy-ness and family-related tensions and dynamics). Unresolved pain can surface during this time of year—sometimes unexpectedly—and it is best to be gentle with yourself throughout the season. Take extra time for self-care. Book that massage, take that extra yoga class, or opt out of attending a few of those holiday parties so you can stay in and enjoy a book, surround yourself in candlelight, or do something else that comforts and restores you.

Simplify your life. Sometimes, adopting a simpler approach is best for helping you tune in to the present. Take a look at your calendar—and your life in general—to determine if you need to change or reduce your day-to-day activities. Do you wait until the last minute to buy holiday gifts for friends and family? Have you taken on too many obligations? Do many of your commitments give you an unpleasant gut reaction? Ask yourself if there are any simplifications you can make that will give you more time to tune in to your needs. When you do cut out unnecessary activities, e.g., limiting magazine subscriptions to only two or three a month, take the time you have gained and spend it on improving your inner well-being.

Maintain meaningful connections with people who love you. Last month I wrote about the value of strong relationships. Your network of friends, family members, and others who know and care for you will be there when you need them. Whatever you do, don’t withdraw from these important relationships. (Remember, the urge to withdraw can be a very strong indicator of the presence of depression.) Even acquaintances and coworkers can provide you with beneficial social bonds, while your closest friends and family can give you the support you need during an emotional crisis. So, be sure to return your brother’s phone calls, and schedule lunch with your best friend from college, and attend that optional team-building activity with your workmates.

Practice gratitude daily. No doubt about it: Gratitude is the doorway to greater contentment and resilience. By simply taking time to look for and acknowledge the good things you have in your life, you are better able to counter feelings of sadness and hopelessness. Each day, take some time to think of several things you are grateful for. Some examples may be your spouse, a beloved pet, your body and all that it can do, good health, your resilient nature, a talent you possess, your children, your community, a good friend, your great cooking skills, your faith, a beautiful view, or anything else that warms your soul. Revel in these blessings. They will revive and strengthen you in times of struggle.

Set some healthy boundaries. Setting appropriate boundaries is an important part of taking care of our well-being because they protect us from being used or violated by others. We show people our boundaries by saying “no.” This is a crucial skill; it can protect us from overextending ourselves, from doing things we don’t really want to do, and from exposing ourselves to dysfunctional people. Let me point out that saying no can make us feel uncomfortable or guilty because it goes against our conditioning to please others and be helpful. Push through these feelings and say no anyway. You will notice a huge improvement in your stress levels when you practice establishing boundaries and sticking to them. Saying no may consist of turning down volunteer or service opportunities in your community, or telling a toxic family member or friend that you can’t spend time with them, or even politely declining a project your boss wants your help with.

Be aware of dangerous coping mechanisms. Don’t let them get control of you. Drugs and alcohol are methods people sometimes turn to for masking the symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. While there’s nothing wrong with sipping some spiked eggnog to unwind after a hectic day of gift shopping, watch out for more serious forms of self-medication or anything you rely on that helps you “numb out” and avoid your problems (for example, watching television all day, sleeping too much, that nighttime pint of ice cream, etc.). In general, going to therapy, exercising, reading self-help books, and/or seeking medical assistance from your doctor or psychiatrist is a safer alternative in the long run.

If you need professional help, seek it now. If you think you may not be okay, get help right away. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other forms of mental illness can be serious. The old Chinese proverb states: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step.” If you need some assistance coping with or healing from trauma or a mental illness, there is absolutely no shame in getting help from a licensed therapist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor. Be sure to seek help sooner, rather than later; there’s no need to prolong your suffering.

Above all, remember this: There is always hope. While we are capable of feeling deep pain and sadness, we also have an immense capacity for love, light, and joy. Finding balance in this area is all about acknowledging any pain you feel and doing all you can to deal with that pain in a healthy way. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t be easy—but in the end you’ll find the hard work is worth the payoff. And the journey toward emotional wellness will teach you that you are far stronger and more resilient than you ever believed.